The Deed is Done

We just got home from seeing him off.

Man, was that hard. I mean, I knew it would be hard, I have done this before, but never with kids old enough to really show emotion. Our oldest is 5 1/2. She was very upset, and rightly so. The thing is, now I can't be the one upset. I have to be the one to hold her, and comfort her, when in reality, I need to be held and comforted. That is Chad's job, and he is gone.
So, here I sit, trying as hard as I can to hold it all in. I'll have to wait until tonight, when the girls are asleep, to really cry it out. Not to say that a few tears haven't escaped already, but they were well hidden, and quiet ones. Tonight won't be the same. I know there will be a few nights like tonight, where I cry until I just can't cry anymore. It is ok. It is part of the process.

Part of me wishes my friends were reading this blog, even though I didn't tell them about it. I hope they understand why I don't answer their calls, or read their emails for a day or so. I need to take time to let my walls build up. I need to detach myself from the hurt and loneliness. Until I do, I am a time bomb waiting to go off, and a sympathetic and caring ear would certainly light that fuse. So, in a day or so, I will tell them all I am fine. I will mean that.
It will be ok. I really will. I can make it. I can do this. I think I can, I think I can......