Tell Me, Or Don't

Ugg.

Deployments are frustrating. From get to go, top to bottom, they are frustrating, just because of what they are.

I think one of the most frustrating things is the lack of knowledge. While I may have general idea of what my husband is doing, and very general idea of where he is, there isn't much that we can be told. For those who aren't in the know, we call it opsec, Operational Security. You can't ask questions, and they can't tell you anything. Just like I can't tell anything that I do know online. It would jeopardize their safety. I get that, completely, and know going in that it will be frustrating, but that we will just have to do our best to communicate.

However, when your spouse makes them even more frustrating, by telling you cryptic things that you can't figure out, it will drive you insane. My husband has gotten really bad about doing this. Almost every time we talk, he tells me that he has something he wants to tell me, but he can't.

Now what am I supposed to do with that?

Get frustrated and mad. That is what I do with that.

I understand that he wants to talk. I do, too. However, telling me things that can only lead my head to worry, is not a good way to try and talk.

I finally laid it out for him. You either tell me something, or you don't. Don't tell me you did something really cool, but say that you can't do anything else about it. Don't tell me things have changed, but not what things.

You either lay it all out, or you leave me blissfully in the dark.

One or the other.

I don't need additional frustration coming from your desire to share. I keep the fact that I don't sleep or how much I can't sleep, how much of a pain things are, or how difficult things have been to myself to keep you from worrying about us, please have the courtesy to do the same.

Thanks.